Frustrated. That was yesterday.
Frustrated that days had gone by without feeling a fire inside.
Everyone sees those people who light up a room because of the Jesus inside them. They are so excited for the Lord and it quickens our spirits--the ones who watch and wish.
We talk about dry seasons and feeling empty and going weeks without feeling that whisper from the Father. We become angry and frustrated that we don't feel the spark and even the full-on flame that we see in those we watch. We become angry with Him because we feel like He made them special but He forgot about us. And then we become frustrated with ourselves because we don't feel what we want to feel. We are mad that we don't feel so we stop wanting to feel at all and harden up inside.
Or we try to create the spark. We try to become the person who lights up the room but we forget where the light comes from. We try to be the Christian we think we should be but we're missing our center. We try so hard to connect with everyone and love everyone but in trying to DO and BE this image, we're forgetting how to relate to our Creator in the first place.
But then somehow, He reminds us that this is a relationship--that He wants to reveal Himself to us through His word and His world--that He wants to listen to us and speak truth into our souls--that He wants to go through our days with us so that we are never alone and that He wants to love us and have us love Him in return.
Yesterday I was frustrated because I felt no spark. And then I realized that this isn't about trying to feel the flame. It is about loving and being loved in return. It is about my relationship with my Savior, day in and day out.
I looked at my Bible and noticed the thin layer of dust along the surface. Days without His word. No wonder I hadn't been feeling a thing. I opened to Psalm 42 and the words were a sweet balm. But the real eye-opening moment came afterward. I lay in bed that night and just began confiding in the Lord. Not perfect-sounding prayers but raw honesty. I spoke to Him like a father or a best friend.
Speaking to Him. Throughout the day, while lying in bed--in moments of joy and moments of stress and sorrow. Involving Him in your life--that is what He wants. He wants a relationship with you. The relationship is what is of value. And as you grow in Him through this relationship, the light will begin to spark and become a full on flame and you won't even have to try.